Welcome to Laradiji’s LinP|RinP. Thank you for clicking. Eshe O, I’m a Nigerian American lifestyle vlogger who loves living a peaceful life, and I love talking about situations we might find ourselves in that need peaceful endings. In this video, I’ll be talking about parents and who they are to us and I hope you’re watching this at the right time of your life, whether you’re already a parent or you’re getting ready to be a parent or you’re thinking about being a parent or you still have a long way to go to get to that stage.
It’s the Living in Peace episode or the LinP section of my channel where I talk about peaceful living in this chaotic and dramatic world, how I see it and how I live it under the umbrella of Living a peaceful life. This section is the main section of my channel so if you’re all about living a peaceful life as well, then this channel is for you.
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Who are our parents?
Parents are the people, the individuals, the couples, the daddies, the mummies, the uncles, the aunties, the community, the neighborhood, the church, people around us who want the best for us, who pitch in
Parents are human
Some people think their parents are super human, that they’re super heroes and that nothing can happen to them in this world. At some point in a child’s life, he or she is to look up to his or her parents for support, guidance, help, and shelter and safety but I want you to look at it this way, your parents are your super heroes until you’re an adult and you’re able to take care of yourself and in turn when your parents are older, you should be their super heroes when they can no longer look after themselves and or sooner.
Parents make mistakes
Whether they admit it or not, whether they admit it to their children or not, they do make mistakes. What’s the definition of a mistake? an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong. To misunderstand, misinterpret, or get something wrong. The bible says before we were born, God knew us. Our personalities, our temperaments, our strengths, our weaknesses and many more but to our parents, we’re supposed to be perfect and therefore we were already set up to fail. This then sometimes causes tension in the parent child relationship.
Parents will sacrifice for you
The fact that two people come together, get married and decide to have a baby is a sign that they would sacrifice a lot for you already because that decision is a sacrifice in itself. Sacrifice of self, of time, of love, of convenience and of peace of mind sometimes. I’m sure you already know that there’s a portion of the world’s population who have decided and who will still decide not to have children whether due to their previous experiences or because of some other reasons, they have decided they will never be a part of the people that will have children. So the fact that you’re hearing this today is because of someone’s sacrifice to have you and care for you to an age where you will eventually start to take over the care of yourself. If I sacrifice a lot for you until age 5, will I stop then? Should I stop then? No, parents will sacrifice a lot, we can’t even begin to quantify how much a parent can sacrifice for their child. Guess what, there are even people who have never had children themselves and they sacrifice a portion of their lives just to see other people succeed, look at the likes of Oprah for instance, she has no children, but makes sure some children in an African country have access to schools and water, she calls them her children, there are many many stories like that, I can’t mention every single one of them. Look at adoptive parents, some can even have children but choose not to care for an orphan and some do have children and then adopt one or two more children to be make a change in the life of a child who has nobody. My plan is to talk to someone in the near future about some of these topics I talk about so that we can learn from concrete experiences about how we can live and inspire a peaceful living.
Parents already sacrificed their time
How do we keep a pregnancy for 9 months? Some go through hell with nausea and vomiting, extreme weight gain weight loss and no weight gain even at times, from the time of conception till the time a child leaves home for college or for marriage, the parents of a child would’ve sacrificed lifetimes.
Parents want the best for you and want you to be successful and to be better than them
Parents believe they know a lot however, when it comes to their children, they want to them to know even more. This is very important especially in a family where there’s a lot of struggle to get basic education, and also more important is a family where an accomplishment took a long time to achieve. For their children, it becomes even more important that they accomplish more in a shorter time, this is because take for instance my parents, who grew up in rural Nigeria, they’re educated, and they were almost bachelor degree holders, but they instilled in me that sense of educational importance which is what they knew as the way to succeed in life and be somebody. My goal from them was that I finish my bachelor’s degree which I’ll forever be grateful for, in this country where there’s a lot of opportunities, it would have been a waste of time and effort if I hadn’t achieved that dream. Also in this dream was the important factor that the face of education is changing, and so also, the face of success. Both are not what they were years ago, so if your child or young adult has deviated from the social norm of climbing the educational ladder, do not chastised them but advice and guide and all the more listen and pray for your young adults.
Parents may not admit their mistakes
Parents might not admit their mistakes on certain issues because 1. kids might start looking at their parents as failures and they might even use their parents failures as reasons and excuses to misbehave. 2. Kids need success stories to push them and encourage them in their quest for success. If they hear failure stories, I feel that they’ll also feel that their efforts will not amount to anything. As a parent myself now, there are some things I believe I most definitely would not have understood if I hadn’t had my children yet. This I actually experienced in terms of some topics with my mom. I wish I knew about her family planning stories so that I could make better decisions regarding mine. I guess there are some things you want to know from your parents and not have to hear it from outsiders. I also feel that parents try to protect their children from giving too much information too early and the responsibility I feel ultimately falls on the child themselves on how and when they get such information. It can go in form of just a simple conversation. How did you do this when you were younger or when you were older? I feel like now that I’m older, I’m learning more and more about my parents about their young days, whereas during my growing up years, I might have not understood because I didn’t have many experiences to prepare me for such information. One important aspect of life to take into consideration when kids are learning from their parents is that they come from a different era of life, and their problems and interventions to those problems might be different depending on the topic. My daughter and son complained that everything dies. We don’t want the TV and our Ipads to keep dying. That’s a problem in their life now and I was shocked at how easily they conveyed this ‘big problem’, and I definitely didn’t have that problem when I was growing up. Our problems back then f you can imagine it was how to get drinking water to the dining table.
Parents hope you will have kids as well, granted there’s no problems with you having kids.
Imagine having invested in the future by making it possible for a man or woman to marry you in the future and then willingly that child decides not to have children, that’ll be like a slap in the face, to humanity, to the future, to destiny. I believe that a lot of things happen for a reason, so even if you decide not to have children, please help others to do that, adopt a child, there’s plenty in the orphanages. I’m sure you know a lot of people who have just one child for one reason or the other and that child in turn goes on to have 3,4,5 children later on. That’s life.
Parents use their experience to raise you
Think about it, a teacher cannot teach you what he doesn’t know. If experience has taught me that asking questions from the older folks and more experience parents has helped their children, would I want my children to learn the hard way? A good teacher should also know when he doesn’t know what to teach but should know where knowledge can be acquired. What I mean is, when parents have good experiences, that will mean good or better experiences for their children, bad experiences will mean, tough and strict rules on the children depending on what was affected in the parents lives. Experiences in these areas, Spiritually, Academically, Financially, Emotionally, Economically, can affect how the kids will be raised. Myself for instance, my parents were middle income earners back home, so of course the goal for the children is to work hard and be top earners in their fields.
Parents want you to outgrow and outlive them
No parent wants to bury their baby and they want you to live longer than them
This is why when kids engage in activities that can shorten their lives, it saddens them, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and many more.
Parents don’t know it all
If you’re a biological parent, a guardian an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, a foster parent, you know? don’t beat yourself up, you don’t know it all, you can’t even know it all when it comes to parenting. There was a movie I saw about a family that decided not to have kids but to adopt a child instead however they had the opportunity to adopt three siblings otherwise they would be separated and I remember thinking to myself what the challenges would be like. First the kids were older and they spoke another language. So in addition to the struggles of adopting they had a lot of hurdles to jump over. Just like a biological would, the blows might be less though.
Parents are portals for kids
If you know this, the parenting battle is half won. Some parents hold on too tightly to their kids and it becomes a big problem later on, they have different personalities, they have different callings, they have different goals, they have different visions, and missions and life path, so forcing them to your own agenda would be like chaining down a phoenix, it is destined to rise and fly, you can’t chain it down, I pray that God will give me the strength to let my kids fly when their time comes. I pray that I will not be a pothole or stumbling block in their path of life. I hope you understand this point I’m trying to make.
The most important quality our parents possess is that they are constant learners. I have this theory that I’m yet to prove that we are all recycled flesh and souls, what I mean is that when we die, we are reborn to another family with new flesh, new earthly DNA consisting of the mom and dad’s earthly attributes, temperaments and features. So, naturally when we are born, parents are to continually learn about their baby, what he or she likes or dislikes and then they’ll be able to give the baby the life that they can afford. I’m sure we’ve heard of nature vs nurture, these two have major impact on how a baby develops in this world. I could’ve sworn my last born looked like an Italian when he was born, and I made this joke that while I was pregnant for 9 months, my Italian baby was making that soul journey from Italy to New York. This is why it is very important to always be prayerful before you get pregnant, while you’re pregnant and after delivery and actually throughout someone’s life, your life should just be filled with prayer because this life looks a lot of physical but there’s a whole lot of spirituality that is involved and the annoying thing is that you can’t see it . I’m constantly and daily trying to improve this part of my life, my spiritual life, my spiritual journey and being in tune with my inner self, especially in this time of global quarantine.
What inspired me to write this up, what has this got to do with LivinginPeace to RestingPeace? “There is no guidebook to being a parent.” There are a lot of people in the world today who have blamed their parents for the life that they have now and I just wonder how right or wrong they might be. I thought about my parents and I also thought about my life as a young parent and then I thought about my growing kids and I thought, someone might learn from this breakdown. Parents jobs, as I’ve said earlier is to give you all you need to succeed, you are the horse, they lead you to the water but you yourself have to drink the water, they won’t force you to drink it. The schools we attend will give your certificate o completion but you have to find the job yourself and work to make money. Do we blame the school we attend if we get fired, do we blame the department of education when we can’t find a job. Sometimes, yes, authorities can be at fault, but the main focus is ourselves. We have a lot of power that we don’t even know about. If only we can unleash our potentials.
How did I get so lucky to have all these people in my life? I hope you’re thinking about this as well.
Thank you very much for watching this episode.
God willing, we are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs.
Let’s not waste any of that precious time on matters that don’t help us positively in some way.
You have a decision to make, if not now, maybe later, the ball of parenting is in your court.
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Stay blessed Bye bye. You’ll see me in my next one.