It all boils down to this in Hollywood and on your Journey home. Theodore Roosevelt. “Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.”  Marcus Garvey states “With confidence, you have won before you have started.” Ralph Waldo Emerson, “If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.” Psalm 23, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”

Have you ever wondered why everyone can’t be on the same page at all times? I’ll give you a little background. As children grow, their successes and failures in the tasks and chores they’re exposed to, help to build their self-confidence and self-esteem. While I was in high school studying nursing, I learned a little something about growth and development. I would love to share this little insight with you, as this will be a guide in helping someone overcome what I like to call the greatest enemy of our youth today, -LOC, Lack Of Confidence-

Erik Erickson who was one of the psychologists of his time who made up stages of human development in regards to how our personality came to being. Paiget and Kohlberg are other psychologists who developed other stages of development. Their contribution apparently stems from Freud’s theory as I believe. According to Erickson, personality development occurs from birth trust vs. mistrust to Autonomy vs. Shame; then Initiative versus Guilt; to Industry vs. Inferiority; and Identity vs. Role confusion; to Intimacy vs. Isolation; and Generativity vs. Stagnation and lastly Integrity vs. Despair in old age.

Basically as a child is growing up physically and mentally, these psychosocial developments are also going on, which in turn shapes us from one level of maturity to the next. If any one stage is omitted or negatively affects the individual, self esteem and confidence starts to decline. There is something about high school movies that makes me feel like going back to that era and living it all over. Actually, I started my high school education while I was in Nigeria, which is one of the 52 countries in Africa. However, had to start over from the 10th grade due to my age, apparently at 14 yrs of age, I wasn’t allowed to continue my junior yr as I would’ve in my birth country.

Personally, one can usually tell when a kid is in trouble at school socially. I started with my school set at 10th grade and still had a thick Nigerian (Yoruba) accent too. I had the worst fashion sense back then, even had to wear my mom’s shoes at a time which were 3 sizes bigger than mine. But one major thing that saved me from the horrors of those halls was that I turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to all that went on around me except for my studies. I guess you could say I was on a mission or that my grandmother had taught me well.

That’s me on the far left prom night. ’04. After school was over, I would go straight home; I had no intimate friends, and still have none. I was always on my own, except for group projects and such. I gave myself no chance for gossip, or anything I wouldn’t benefit from educationally. Even when I watched a show or listened to radio, I ask myself, “am I learning anything from this? Or will my brain cells die with each minute of whatever it was I doing at the time. I wouldn’t say I wasn’t confident with myself but I guess I was content with myself. Today, there are so many issues stemming out of middle and high school that it is mind boggling what some of these kids have to face. Some are ridiculed, some are bullied, some are shut down, and even some are determined to make others’ lives miserable. I thought how about how I could reach out to these kids, to help them overcome this stage of their little time in this stage of life.

African (Nigerian) education and American education have a myriad of differences, is it in the teaching style, or in the atmosphere, or about the schools’ policies, or disciplinary actions and punitive styles. Culture shock was not enough to even begin to describe the feeling I had I when I started high school here in the States. As this foundation has now been laid, now I can continue with my take on Confidence. Lately, I’ve been watching some high school movies: and most of them have some lessons to teach. Lessons against bullying, lessons about finding one’s true self and standing/fighting for it, lessons about finding true love, lessons about life and maturity, lessons about true friends, lessons about forgiveness, lessons about being genuine and true to ones’ self.

jump in 2007; cowbells 2006; frenemies 2012; teen spirit 2011; cyberbully 2011; ballet shoes 2007; Avalon high 2010; school of life 2005; sorority wars 2009; legally blondes 2009; geek charming 2011; agent cody banks 2003; the perfect student 2012; it’s a boy girl thing 2006; campus confidential 2005; girls just want to have fun 1985; princess protection program 2009.

To bring people up needs confidence, to bring someone down takes confidence also. Think about it, confidence is all about believing oneself which shouldn’t be confused with pride. Confidence I feel can be coupled with faith. If I have the faith that I can do what I set my mind to -like this article- usually I get the confidence to write the first sentence. I read somewhere that there wasn’t rain for a long time somewhere in the city and the people of that city were very confident that it would rain that day after offering some sacrifices, they also had umbrellas because of their faith. According to this website;, To build our confidence, we need to recognize our insecurities, we need to talk to our friends and loved ones so they can help show us insights on our positivity, our charms and what makes us who we are. We need to bounce back and learn from our mistakes, we need to identify our successes, we need to be thankful for what we have, we need to be positive, and we need to accept compliments gracefully. Confidence is not about pride like I said; it’s about believing in the truth and standing by it with FAITH.

In the religious aspect of things, when we are confident in Christ, we are on top of the world. When we know who we serve, we know who we are and therefore known that whoever wants to bring us down or bully us or make us sad or shut us up have no power over us. This should make us all walk with our heads high over our shoulders. All I hear is oh “I’m shy” oh “I can’t do this” or “I can’t do that because they’ll laugh at me.” Then you don’t know who you are. This is what the popular people in your school do every day, they look at themselves in the mirror and say, wow I’m pretty, wow I’m unstoppable, wow I’m incredible, wow I’m too good for this or that and with that they get away with a lot.

What do you really see when you look at yourself in the mirror, don’t you see a pretty girl? a handsome boy? even if your nose is not straight, or your teeth is crooked, or fat or skinny, fake it if you have to, tell yourself, I’M BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. It’ll take time but it’ll one day sink in. I’m writing this blog today because of a dear friend of mine who wrote on facebook that she had low self esteem, and I wondered why “If only she knew”. I have confidence in you all that after reading this, that you’ll share your new found confidence to all who are feeling down and help bring them up to a level where they are comfortable with themselves and ultimately confident.

2 responses to “Confidence”

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